XTV 2:10 - April 27th 2006

[Evil Gringo]

The following program is a post watershed production, it will contain scenes and storylines not suitable for children and some of the content may also be unacceptable to other viewers. This program may also contain strobe lighting effects

'Carve me an Edge' by Fake Ideal starts to play as the XTV opening video plays….



Images are displayed throughout the title sequence:


Twiggie hitting the Twiggaludo Frosion
Barry Gower throwing down the ERE title
The Judge arriving in his tank
S.E.X. unveiling Michael Cole
TLA standing in a blaze of green flame
The Incredible Holt TKO'ing Evil Gringo from the cage
Deadman tapping to Gowers crossface
Iagan looking at his map bemused
Draven Cage getting poked in the eye by Boyo
PMA coming back to town
The Violence Bearer rising up through the ramp
Scott Andrews returning
The Dark Alliance hitting The Anvil on The New Gringo Army
The New Blood hitting the Natural Order
Sickness covered in blood
Eagles nailing the Money Shot through the tables
Holt falling through the cage as an astonished Gringo watches on
Dante Mueller being held aloft by fellow wrestlers after winning the Title!
The cheesy grin of Darkstar

The camera cuts to a shot of the arena, the Koenig-Pilsner Arena, Oberhausen in Germany where thousands upon thousands of screaming fans wave their signs...

I felt a Mexican Sensation last night!
Twiggie + Dreadlocks = Softcore!
Dante give me a embrace!

We cut to the annouce table where we are once again joined by Paul E. Heyman and Joey Styles...

JS: Welcome ladies and gentleman to XTV, LIVE from Germany as we continue to blaze a trail world wide...

PH: Yes indeed Joey, welcome fans to another historic XTV from the heart of Europe where we are once more sold out and full to capacity!

JS: Thats right Paulie and what a night it will be, we have the Dangerous Alliance here, the Future, the New Blood, the New Gringo Army and of course our reigning World Heavyweight Champion, Dante!

PH: Ha! His ass should have been beaten last week until he cheated...

JS: Cheated?!? As I recall it was the New Blood who invaded the ring...

PH: Well...

The bickering co-commentators are cut off as Break Stuff pounds through the PA system and the owner of TWOStars, Darkstar strides onto the ramp flanked on either side by the US Champion Violent Vinnie Vengence and his mouthpiece, the former ECW Triple Crown holder Tazz!

JS: Wow, the Future are here to make their prescene felt early... I wonder what the boss has to say...

PH: Well if you shut up long enough Joey then you'll find out...

Darkstar walks up the ringsteps behind Tazz as Triple V hops onto the apron... Vinnie steps over the top rope and then Tazz holds them open for Darkstar who climbs in the ring quickly followed by the mouthpiece of the Future... Darkstar beckons for a microphone and the crowd hush ready and expectant on the owners word...

DS: Cut my music!

Break Stuff cuts off...

DS: Well as you probably saw last week the New Blood once more saw fit to stick there noses in matches that I book... to play around with what I want to happen... But girls this is MY show and I make the rules...

Darkstar straighens his suit jacket before continuing...

DS: Now I'm getting sick and tired of all of this postering and running of mouths and stalling from you guys. You turn up and stare at us, you run your mouths backstage when where not around and proclaim that you are the Future. Well girls last time I checked we where the Future and not some little runts from our training school...

Tazz pats his boss on the back and applauds whilst Triple V stands there silent cradling his US title on his shoulder...

DS: So I'm going to take steps right here, tonight in Germany... (crowd gives a mild cheap pop) and so I'd like to call out.... Evil Gringo!



The lights dim and the crowd buzz as The End by Roadrunner United booms through the in house speakers.... Brooding dark red and green lights flash and spiral around the ramp and ring and pyro explodes as the Evil Gringo emerges from the back, eyes full of rage, ready for war...

JS: What the hell does this mean Paulie?

PH: Jesus Joey, what are 12, you got no attention span? Just sit there like a good boy and no doubt the boss will tell you...

Gringo makes his way down the ramp and rolls into the ring, springing to his feet infront of Darkstar... Tazz and Triple V move closer to the boss just as a precaution...

DS: Ah glad you got out of Japan after last week Gringo... (Tazz laughs behind the bosses back...). I called you down because I wanted you to hear straight from my lips what my plan is... Tonight the New Blood (crowd boos) will be taking on a team of yourself....

The crowd cheers for the Mexican Sensation who grins and slaps his chest in apprication...

DS: As I was saying, a team of you... Tazz... and me, Darkstar!

Gringo almost instantly snatches the microphone from the suprised Darkstars hand as the crowd cheer...

EG: Pardon me ese? I have to team with you two loser chicos against those hombres?

Darky can be seen to be mouthing 'thats correct'...

EG: You not read my note? Not see the ideas I had? You really think your old business man ass and this bad necked midget get the job done ese? I told you t play ball with me homes, I gave you the soultion in your hand last week and yet you ignore me?

Darkstar is angry and snatches another mic from ringside...

DS: Listen here chump... This is my show, this is my building paid for all tonight and this is my company so I say what goes... And what goes is this Pingu... Tonight you, me and Tazz are coming to this ring, me are going to work TOGETHER and we are going to solve our mutal problem before Redemption even rolls around and that Pingu is an ORDER!

The crowd boo at the owner as Gringo scowls at him in disgust...

DS: So homes... I'll see you here in ohhh... lets say an hour a half okay? Now hit my music!

Break Stuff hits the PA once more as the Future climb out of the ring leaving the Gringo stood their a mass of rage as we fade out to our first commerical break...

[Boyo]

Back from commercials, straight to a little Shopzone Ad, and then cuts to the stage area, that has been set up as a little t-shirt boutique, with a little table and a little till and everything! A really tinny, crappy version of "Blue Monday" by New Order is playing at a quiet level and Boyo and Sickness, The Dark Alliance, are standing behind the counter. The crowd's HUGE pop is dying down.

Boyo: Welcome Mr ladies and gentlemen to the hippest boutique ever, the 1st wonder of the work in t-shirt variety, the original TWOStars' stockist of the finest-

Boyo and Crowd: Vvvvintage RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRock and Roll t-shirts straight from the catwalks of Mexi-

Boyo remains perfectly motionless with the mic at his mouth.





















Styles: Erm.



































Styles: W-what's going on here, has Boyo stopped!?

Heyman: Is he ok? He's just frozen mid sentence!















































Styles: Still nothing.











































Heyman: *cough, What's going on, Joey?

Styles: ...









































Styles: F-folks, we've gotta take a short break!

Fades to:

[Omega]

fade into.....


In the back corridor we see the jobbers of the day talking and laughing together. Sharing memories of when they last had their ass handed to them by a member of the roster.

Behind the jobbers the garage door that lets the real talent park up rises and a large black caoch rumbles through the aprking lot, scattering the assembled wrestlers.

The door on the coach opens and Drake Rush steps out into the arena, closley followed by The Man, The Omega Male and finally Red Scorpion. The New Blood look less than happy with them long journey to the stadium.

DR: I swear, if Darkstar takes us to another back of the woods dump like this again I'm going to melt this belt down and sell it to Mr T as jewllery.

AB: Don't sweat it Drake, these stoopid Krauts love people like us.

DR: They do?

AB: Yeah, thats why they're so stoopid!

DR: Logical, if nothing else.

One of the jobbers has crept up to the assembled pack and nervously coughs.

*Cough*

Rush turns around and stares at the offending sight before him.

DR: Ah yes, our stuff is in the coach, take it to our lockeroom and for gods sake be careful with it.

Jobber: Wait, don't you remember me? Paine, from Fills Acedemy? We had a match once!

DR: Did we?

The posion of TWO steps between Butcher and Rush, looming over the jobber.

RS: I remember you, you little pissant. You owe fifty bucks.

Jobber: I don't think I do.

RS: Really, in which case I owe you this.

Red Scorpion lays out the unfortunate, yet stupid jobber with a huge right hand. Bending down, The Stinger removes his wallet and takes a roll of notes and a plane ticket back to the States.

AB: Good haul Scorp's. I know some migrant workers who'd pay over the odds for that ticket.

RS: It's all your, dude. Now, where can I get a beer.

The rest of the assembled Jobbers look at the cans of larger in their hands and huridley hide them behind their backs.

RS: I saw that you bunch of selfish b*****ds. Didn't momma teach you to share....

Scorpion strides off camera and can be heard to be slapping about the "pool of talent" for all he's worth. Back on camera Drake turns back to Ashton Butcher.

DR: You think our good friend might have a tiny anger managment problem?

The Man looks on a clothing, teeth and beer cans are flying around from off camera.

AB: ...........Nah, he's just playing.

DR: Yeah, kinda of sweet they way he's punching their teeth out. Hey Arron, what you make of Scorp's. Primed for Head Of Talent Relations?!

Winter has been stood just aside from his two teammates looking out at the German skyline.

AW: It reminds me of home.....

Butcher and Rush look at one another, worried by the odd mood Arron appears to be in.

AB: You okay dude? You seem a bit....... out there. Well, more so than usual at least.

AW: this is as close to home as I've been in many years. Memories of a different time. A long time ago....

DR: Ashton, I'd better go and see what the lay of the land is. No doubt DS will have something planned for us this week. I need to get the drop on things so I can work out what we're going to do. Can you make sure Arrons got himself focused, we need to be all on the same page.

AB: No worries D-man, I'm on the case..... Hey Arron, I heard that one of these guys said Estonia was the ass-hole of the planet. Wanna teach him some manners?

Winter spins around and nods towards his Tag partner and both men stride towards the last few jobbers still standing after Scorpion had robbed them over their beer.

Jobber#2: Oh no, not again.....


Camera fades to................................................ ..........






A re-cap of the Tag Title History...(ha, that caught you out )

[Boyo]

Cuts to: A SHOPZONE AD!!!

A shot of the Southern Californian Desert!

Voice-over: Death Valley, one of the most treacherous places on Earth...

The aerial view of Death Valley shows a little dust road with a trail of smoke, a close-up shows a BMW X5 off-roader speeding along.

Voice-over: NOT a place for the weak-willed or the untrained survival specialists!!

The camera has a close-up of the X5's cabin. Twiggie and Iagan are in the X5, Twiggie is driving.

Twiggie: I do not believe this, Ginny! YOU have the map. YOU have the sat-nav...

Iagan: ...

Twiggie: HOW THE HELL DID WE GET LOST!?!?

Iagan: ...

Twiggie: There's only one road! ONE ROAD! And we are lost! How the hell did we get lost!?! Ginny, what are we gonna do?

Iagan look sheepish but then from nowhere pulls out a McChicken sandwich. Twiggie grins...

Twiggie: You faithful lapdog, you! I have the munchies as well!

Twiggie takes a bite and joy speads across his face (but not Joy Giovanni).

Twiggie: Mmmm mmm, Ginny, muh-man, I'm lovin' it!

Voice-over: McDonalds, Official Partner of the BMW X5.

Fades to:

[Boyo]

Cuts back to the stage area, Boyo is still motionless with the mic at his mouth.

Styles: Welcome back to Xtreme TV folks, and we have a weird situation here. Boyo has not moved an inch for about 4 minutes!!

Heyman: He's finally cracked, Joey Styles! He's gone nutto!!

Styles: Boyo was saying "something something from Mexico" but he got as far as "Mexi" and then stopped.

The camera cuts back to Boyo.

































Styles: What are we gonna do? Cancel Boyo's? Why doesn't he do something?








































A long close-up of Boyo's face on the Titantron, who suddenly smirks and the crowd pop HUGE!!








Boyo: -COOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHH!!!

The crowd roar HUGE!!

Styles: THAT'S his catchphrase now!??

A shadowy figure enters the shop.

Boyo: Mr Sickness, it appears we have a customer! Enter, mere sapien.

The shadowy figure turns out to be Twiggie, the crowd half boo, half pop the smelly tweener.

Boyo: Ah Mr Twig, welcome to Boyo's, the hippest boutiqe ever.

Twiggie: Why thank you Mr Boyo and may I just say that in my role as Hardcore Champion, Mr T. Willigins loves Boyo's.

Boyo: ...

Twiggie: ...

Sickness: Didn't you here Mr Boyo, Mr Twilligins? He said "hippest" boutique, not "hippiest".

The crowd laugh as Twiggie smells his rankerous armpits.

Boyo: Ha ha, a funny, Mr Sickness. Bravo! Now how can we help you, Mr Twilligins?

Twig: Now, Mr Boyo, I'm looking for a vintage, (ahem), RRRRRRRRRRock n Roll t-shirt from the catwalks of MMMMMExi-























Boyo: Coooooohhhh. Excellent ripperoffery there, Mr Twilligins. Do you have a t-shirt in mind?

Twig: Why yes, Mr Boyo. I would love a "Little Feat" t-shirt.

Boyo: ...

Sickness: You want little feet?

Twig: Why yes, Mr Sickerness. How can I get me some Little Feat?

An evil sneer appears on the demented face of Sickness and the crowd laugh the impending barbaric acts. Sickness pulls out a machete and the crowd roar HUGE!!!

Boyo: Now, erm, Mr Sickness...

Sickness: Little feet! Little feet!

Sickness starts chasing Twiggie around Boyo's as Boyo looks on stunned. Then Boyo starts rummaging through some old boxes. The crowd enjoy Twiggie looking genuinely scared for the future of his feet.

Boyo: Now Mr Sickness, old friend, that's enough terrorism for one day...

Some of the crowd actually boo this! Not Twiggie however.

Boyo: Mr Twig, Boyo's, the hippest boutique ever, has one last Little Feat t-shirt straight from the catwalks of Mexi-

Crowd: Coooohhhh

Boyo: It's yours for....1....plus 4.....minus...erm...3.....TWENTY EIGHT DOLLARS!

Twiggie hands over a $50 bill

Boyo: Short of seventy-eight dollars! That makes FIFTY DOLLARS! You have a great day Mr Twilligins!

Twig: ...

Fades to a Shopzone Ad~!!

[Dante]

Back from Shopzone ad. We cut back to the garage to see a black Dodge Viper speeding into the garage. It parks, and out steps Dante. The crowd pop for the arrival of their champion. As he's walking into the building, he sees some of the jobbers walking around nursing injuries from the New Blood's arrival.

Dante-What the hell happened here?

Jobber 1-The New Blood sir.

Jobber 2-They beat us up and stole our beer.

Dante-I see.

With this Dante turns and head toward the building. He has a look of purpose stamped on his face.

Heyman-Dante looks like he's on a mission.

Styles-I'm sure we'll find out what it is.

Cut to a shopzone advert for "Stealing Lives, Inflicting Death" The Story of Sickness.

[Dark Dodo]

During the ShopZone Advert the telephone goes of on the announce table

PH: Its probably the Boss telling me I am the new General Manger

JS We're Doomed, all doomed

Heyman picks up the phone and answers it

PH: Yes who is it

Phone: ...............

PH: Oh its you you freak what do you want?

Phone: ....................

PH: What do do you mean the arena is empty?

Phone: ...........................

PH: Hold it you daft sod where are you?

Phone: .....................

PH: Messehalle Leipzig, Germany? MESSEHALLE? LEIPZIG?

JS: I take it thats Iagan?

PH: YOU BLOODY FREAK! Your supposed to be at the Koenig-Pilsner Arena, Oberhausen. You have a match tonight now get your burnt arse down here

JS:HAHAHA! I dont believe he's lost again.

Heyman puts down the phone

PH: I tell you what since he got let out of the loony bin he may have found his sanity but he's certainly lost his mind

cuts to a ShopZone Advert TWO Arkham figure with disposable Doctor Handsolo

[Boyo]

Back from the Shopzone ad to a shot of Mean Gene Okerlund standing backstage.

Mean: Hullo folks and welcome to TWOStars XTV comin atcha from someplace in Germany. And what a show it's been already, but I wanna talk to you about something under the radar - some exclusive footage for you.

Styles: Exclusive footage?

*The screen cuts to the ring but it is from way earlier in the evening...*

Gene (voiceover): Earlier this evening on TWOStars' pre-show, Haywire, we saw a new tag team in action: Janus and Dragon Boyo, The Rabid Customers.

The Rabid Customers get in the ring, "Sabotage" by The Beastie Boys in full swing. They face up to their chubby-ish opponents.

Gene: If you recall last week, the forgotten men of Captain Frank and Jason Hannibal, the HardCOre journeymen from EWA and YGFW, a tag team known as "The Mange Two", challenged The Rabid Customers to a match live on Haywire, and take a look at what went down.

Styles: Oh I heard about this, Paul...

Janus unloads on The Cap left, right, left, right, left - each punch connecting with The Cap's podgy mid-section, knocking the wind out of the wrestling nomad.

Todd Pettingill: What viciousness from Janus here, the mysterious masked fighter, and it's been nothing but awesome Rabid Customers offence since the bell rang!

Janus tags in Dragon Boyo to a chorus of boos. Janus Irish-Whips The Captain and Dragon Boyo lays down behind Janus.

TP: A big move coming up here from The Rabid Customers here...

Janus uses the Cap's momentum and performs a Fisherman's Suplex, hooking both the legs of the Captain. Janus then brings the Cap's spine squarely over the knees of Dragon Boyo!

Crowd: Ohhhh!

TP: Holy Moley! What a deadly move that was!

The Captain is out squarely on his back, vomint dribbling from the corner of his pie-eating mouth.

Dragon Boyo goes for the cover

ONE!





TWO!






THREE!!

TP: And this one's over before it even began, Jason Hannibal didn't even get a tag! And mayhaps it's a good thing for him that he didn't.

Mean: And if you thought that was impressive, then take a look at what went down next...

The ref raises the arms of The Rabid Customers as "Sabotage" plays once again. Jason Hannibal gets in the ring to check on his portly tag-team partner.

TP: The Mange Two have been decimated here...but wait! What the hell is Janus doing!?!

Janus lets out a few blood-curdling screams and attacks Jason Hannibal where he stands. He pushes him back into a turnbuckle and starts biting at his cheek. Hannibal screams in panic as the crowd look uneasy.

TP: Janus is BITING Jason Hannibal, and the referee is trying to pull Janus away from the poor orca!

Janus is really digging in with his teeth and then...rrrrrrrip! Janus, with his teeth, rips about 4 square inches of tissue off of Jason Hannibal's right cheek. Dragon Boyo stands there laughing and applauding as Janus chews on the flesh in his teeth. Some of the children in the crowd are crying as The Rabid Customers exit up the aisle and through the curtain.

TP: THAT'S RIGHT! GET OUTTA HERE!! Poor Jason Hannibal! Just look at his face!...

Cuts back to Mean Gene.

Mean: We couldn't show any more of that edition of Haywire, folks, as it was too graphic. However, what I can do for you is promise you that before we end transmission here tonight, I, Gene Okerlund, will find The Rabid Customers and will interview them...TONIGHT!!

Styles: There goes a brave man, Paul Heyman

Heyman: A stoopid one more like. He better make sure Janus don't bite his face off!!

Fades to...a SHOPZONE AD!!

[MrFill]

Back from the ShopZone Ad.

We're backstage with The Grish, he is standing read, mic in hand - beside him is the new-comer, and presenter of the Care Show - Chris Care.

The crowd boo loudly at the sight of the Blackpool native, he just looks around impassively, clearly ignoring the fans' reaction.

TG: I'm here with "New Breed" Chris Care, now, last week we saw the first edition of the "Chris Care Show", and tonight we'll see another edition, so, can I have your thoughts on how it went?

CC: Todd, let me first...

Suddenly the interview is interrupted by Arkham busting into the middle of the two men. The audience cheer at the sight of one of their favourites.

Arkham: Someone say Care Bear?

TG: Arkham, nobody said...

Arkham: I hear Care Bear - me LOVES Care Bears, they fun and cuddly.

TG: I'm interviewing Chris Care.

Arkham: You Care Bear? Oooooh.

The big man suddenly lunges at Care, taking him by surprise he scoops the smaller man up in a big hug.

Arkham: You not look like Care Bear, but me hug you, and squeeze you, and call you George!

CC: Put me down, you big oaf.

Arkham: He not very cuddly.

TG: Arkham, big guy, this isn't a Care Bear, it's Chris Care, a wrestler.

Arkham: You sure? He look like George. I call you George.

CC: Put. Me. Down. NOW!

Arkham: George not friendly, he not like to play.

TG: Please, Arkham, he's not George.

CC: Look, you big...

Arkham: Shhh, George, peoples speaking, Care Bear not speak now.

CC: WHAT?

Arkham pats The Caring One on the head, and turns back to Toddy.

Arkham: Care Bear George not listen proply. He keep talking when peoples talking.

Care gets in front of Arkham and begins to poke him in the chest with every word.

CC: Look you idiot...

Arkham: Naughty George, you not speak while peoples speaking. Naughty.

The Insane One pushes Care aside and looks at Grish, the camera shows Chris is FUMING!

CC: WHY YOU...

Arkham: George not nice, me not play with George no more.

Arkham walks off leaving Grish standing beside the enraged New Breed.

CC: Who the hell let that idiot in here?

TG: Arkham is one of TWOstars' wrestlers.

CC: That guy is a WRESTLER? I can't believe this place.

Care turns and storms off.

TG: Well, it looks like my interview is over.


We cut to - you guessed it - a SHOPZONE AD~~~!

[Craig Van Dam]

We cut backstage where Black Dragon is talking to Becki Moss in the locker room

BD: Oh come on you know, tell me?

BM: Know what?

BD: Oh you, don't play games with me you know the names in that envelope

BM: Dragon, I don't, Gringo hasn't said anything

BD: Oh come, don't play dumb with me, your Gringo's Mamacita, you know him better than anyone, so come on just tell me, I won't tell anybody

BM: Look you strange man it's just an envelope, I don't know

BD: Oh come on, just whisper

BM: Would you grow up? It's not that big a deal

Becki leaves the room

BD: Whats the big secret? Why won't anybody tell me? I just want to know whats in the envelope

JS: Man Black Dragon is acting pretty strange, he seems to be obsessed with this envelope

PH: Yup, this envelope seems to be driving him crazy

We fade to........

[Boyo]

Back from a Shopzone Ad. Cuts to Mean Gene Okerlund walking around backstage and this elicits a pop from the crowd-a-poos.

Mean: They-they've gotta be around here somewhere...hey you there -

The camera shows that Mean Gene has called out to Becki Moss, still shaking her head after talking to The Blackest of Dragons.

BM: Hallo Gene! What do you want?

Mean: Young lady...have you seen The Rabid Customers on your travels?

BM: The Rabid Customers? Whadda they look like?

Mean: Real ugly, with masks, and one of 'em may have a bit of Jason Hannibal's face stuck in his teeth.

BM: Jason Hannibal eh? How is that fatty?

Mean: N-not too good I can tell ya!

BM: Well I have to go find my Bobby G, see ya round, Mean Gene!

Mean Gene carries on walking aimlessly backstage until he arrives at a familiar door, The Dark Alliance locker room door. The crowd pop HUGE!! Mean Gene knocks on the door.

*knock knock*

Voice: Enter, mere sapien.

Mean Gene opens the door and Boyo stands there smirking. The crowd pop the fashionista git.

Mean: Hey Mr Boyo, how's it goin'?

Boyo: Not so bad Mr Mean, just inventin' some more innovative and hugely violent moves for The Dark Alliance.

Mean: And how's that doin' for ya?

Boyo: None so good Mr Mean, none so good. It seems most of the moves I invent are more suited for other people.

Mean: Tell me about it! I told Twiggie he should knee somebody in the pelvis before delivering a back-breaker-

Boyo: Nice...

Mean: Yeah! But The GM didn't approve of it.

Boyo: How come Mr Mean?

Mean: Because the only name I could think of was the Whacky-Backy!

The crowd laugh and Boyo smirks. Sickness appears on the door, with a toothbrush in his hand and fresh, minty froth dripping from his mouth.

Mean: Does he have rabies?

Boyo: No Mr Mean, just Aquafresh.

The crowd laugh again.

Mean: What I meant by that was; have you seen The Rabid Customers anywhere? I'm looking for them!

Boyo: The Rabid Customers?

Sickness: The Rabid Customers!?

Mean Gene wipes the toothpaste from his tie.

Mean: Yeah, The Rabid Customers.

Boyo: Why would we have?

Sickness: No.

Mean: Well if you see 'em, tell 'em Mean Gene is lookin' for 'em will ya?

Boyo: Oh we will, Mr Mean.

Voice: Hello, hello? I'm looking for my booty call!

Mean: !!!

Boyo: Oh what does he want?

Iagan walks into the shot.

Boyo: Mr Hound, are you looking for someone as well? Like Mr Mean here?

Iagan: Why yes, Mr Boyo. I'm looking for my booty call.

Boyo: Booty call eh? What's her name?

Iagan: Kaye.

Sickness: Kaye, eh?

Iagan: No brother, not Kaye A, Kaye Faybe.

Mean: Wait a minute, you're looking for a dame called Kaye Faybe!?

The crowd laugh again.

Mean: Shall we tell him?

Boyo: ...

Sickness: ...

Mean: ...

Iagan: ...


















Fades to, erm, a Shopzone Ad~!!

[han89]

Back from the shopzone ad to The Lonely Avenger walking around looking at the doors. He seems he is searching for something.

JS: This is weird. It's the first time we see TLA actually walking somewhere backstage.

PH: Usually we see him in his locker room or in the ring. Between, do you have any idea where his locker room is?

JS: No idea. I don't think anyone knows either.

The Lonely Avenger walks by a little man half his size, one of those people companies ask to appear in the camera backstage so that the wrestlers can scare them.

So the the little man jumps from his place in surprise and in fear, but his acting skills are so bad that it is really appearant that this is nothing but a low failing stunt.

The Lonely Avenger asks the man if he knows where Christy Hemme's locker room is, but the man just runs away.

TLA: Stupid people (and he nods).

JS: Christy Hemme? Why does he want to go to her locker room?

PH: Maybe he got TOO lonely and he needs some fun in life.

JS: Or maybe...(Parental Advisory)

After walking around a minute or so, he finally finds the door where it says: "Christy Hemme".

TLA: Here we go.

And he knocks on the door.

The diva opens the door.

CH: I didn't expect for you to come so early...

And she screams as she sees the man in front of her, who is obviously not the one who's early!

TLA: Shut up little Bitch!

The Masked Truth pushes her inside and corners her.

CH: Wh...wh...what do you...you want from me?

TLA: Just shut up and listen.

JS: That's no way to treat a lady!

PH: Go stop him then.

JS: ...

PH: Thought so (does the chiken sound)

Back to the locker room, the TWOstars diva seems like she is going to **** herself.

TLA: Just listen and understand what i am saying and you won't get hurt!

CH: o..Ok...

TLA: I am not here for you Christy. I am here to tell you one thing only, to send a message.

CH: Message? To whom?

JS: Message? To whom?

TLA: To your little friend Iagan! Tell him that if he butts in between me and Eagles in our feud he will pay big time!

JS: Big time?

CH: Wh..what do you mean?

TLA: Understand it the way you want to understand it. Just get this: if he shows up tonight and interfeers in my plans or in my pay-back to Chris Eagles, you BOTH will have to pay for it!

And as he finishes, Iagan bursts in the room and The Lonely Avenger looks at Iagan and both are now face to face, eye in eye, hatred raging in their souls.

Iagan: What was that you were saying to Christy?

TLA: That is for her to tell it to you...like she understood it...

JS: What does he mean? What will he do?

PH: Patience Joey! Patience!

TLA: Just consider this an advice for now. If you don't take this advice in consideration, it will become a threat to you BOTH.

Iagan: Do you think you can...

TLA: If you stumble in my way tonight in what i want to do, if i see your face again near me tonight, you will say your goodbyes to Christy for good. And you will not be the victim.

And as he said that in a rage of anger, he storms out of the room, pushing Iagan aside, resulting in his fall on the ground.

Christy runs quickly to Iagan to check on him both in fear and in anxiousness.

Back to the announce table.

JS: Is The Lonely Avenger going to kidnap Christy Hemme or hurt her?

PH: I don't know but it is Iagan's turn to make his move. Hemme or the feud, tough choice!

Cut to Commercial Break.

[Chriscare]

After the commercial break we have a quick shop zone add and then cut to Chris Care backstage talking to a small bald man with a name that is unpronounceable.

Care: Look here…Boupe is it? Sorry I just can’t get my head around that name.

Bob: It’s Bob.

Care: (looks confused at Bob) Baffling, anyway Boupe, you were telling me what I should do about this tax problem with starting in a new company.

Bob: It’s pretty simple really. All you need to do is get your p45 and p60 and send them off. Then you’ll receive a p17 and a p18 form, you need to fill the p17 form using a blue and pen, and black pen for the p18 form. You then combine the two with tape to make a p35 form. Once you’ve sent this you’ll receive a phone call from a man name Jobe, he’ll give you three riddles, each more devilish than the last. Take the digit from each of the riddles and you’ll find out which P form you need from that. Send that form off and within in 4-8 weeks you’ll receive a sandwich, eat that and the whole thing should be sorted.

Care: I’m sorry what?

At the moment Tod Grisham walks in to shot.

TG: Excuse me, Mr Care.

Care: Oh good, you’re here. I’ll deal with you later Boupe.

Bob walks away annoyed.

Care: Can you believe that buffoon earlier Ted. Couldn’t even get my name correct. George the Care Bear. I do believe that man was a Yorkshire pudding short of a Sunday dinner.

TG: Actually it’s Tod.

Care: What?

TG: You called me Ted, its Tod.

Care: Oh Pish posh, no one cares about you. A man like me though, no my name is worth saying right. Just saying Chris Care makes people feel good. How can people ask for my help if they don’t know my name?

TG: …W

Care: (interrupting) Rhetorical question Ted. This Akraham fellow really didn’t seem to have a clue. And the rudeness of always interrupting me so I couldn’t talk. I hate rude people, they should get some manners.

TG: I was…

Care: (interrupting) Well I’m going to make my name known tonight, because I have a very special Guest tonight on my show. The interview that was interrupted earlier, was it about self promotion?

TG: Well...

Care: (Interrupting again) Look Ted, let’s just assume from now on all my questions to you are rhetorical ok?

Care looks and Todd who stands in silence.

Care: I said ok?

Todd continues to stand in silence.

Care: How very rude. Anyway, where was I? Ah yes. My interview earlier wasn’t about self promotion. I wasn’t going to stand there telling the world how wonderful I am. How everyone wishes they could be like me. How these people here tonight don’t even deserve to be in the same city as me. No, that interview was to announce who my special guest for the Care Show tonight will be none other than TWOStars superstar, Twiggie! What do you think about that?

Care looks and Todd who stares blankly at Care. They stand in silence for a few minutes. Care coughs and a tumble weed blows past.

We cut to another shopzone ad.

[Twig]

Back from the ahopzone~! ad.

Fade to a shot of Tony Chimmel and Right standing in the ring, while Left is having a fan dressed as a member of the famed WWF faction “Demolition” rub his nipples, on the outside.

CHIMEL: The following handicap match is scheduled for one fall. Currently in… or rather, around the ring… at a combined weight of three hundred and eighty seven pounds, from Silicon Valley… Left… and Right… The Tiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiits!

Hearing his introduction, Left hops into the ring, leaving his number with the Smash wannabe. Suddenly the lights go out as the arena is bathed in psychedelic swirls.



is displayed in close ups and as a whole across the TWOtron. Split Open and Melt by Phish is pumped through the speakers of the arena. Twiggie appears at the top of the ramp wheeling his signature recycling bin behind him, his hardcore title hanging over the side. Around his head, loosely restraining his dreads, is tied a faded bandana. The rowdy German fans immediately begin to throw trash at the Colorado Troubadour, who continues on down unheeded. Suddenly he reaches out and snatches up the sign of his most dedicated fan. He glares at the lame proclamation of Twig’s potential career in politics, and slowly shakes his head.

Fan: Look dude, before you recycle that I just want to say: I really think you’re views could pull the great nation of the United States out of the corrupt and capitalistic rut it’s been in for the last few hundred years.

Twig: You came all the way to Germany… to say that?

Fan: Well… Yeah.

Twiggith McGee shakes his head.

Twig: I’m gonna do you a favor.

The smark shifts nervously.

Fan: …Oh yeah?

The Phishy Deadhead glares solemnly, and raises his free hand… … … …He suddenly produces a pen, scribbles his signature down and hands the autographed sign back to the shocked and amazed fan, who immediately screams like a 12 year old girl who just got a pony. A cocky smirk draws across Twiggie’s face and he continues down the ramp.

Chimmel: Weighing in tonight at 196 pounds. He is the self-proclaimed TWOstars Hardcore Champion. He is … Twwwwwwwwwiggie!

Twiggz slides into the ring and instead of dancing he ducks a clothesline attempt from Left, while the bell rings. He blocks a right hand, and monkey flips Right into his teammate.

Styles: Twiggie, thwarting a preemptive attack from the Tits, who’re taken out of the ring with that one.

Left slinks over to his designated corner, while a frustrated Right slides back in under the ropes.

Heyman: The PETA Punisher is quick to put the fungus to his opponent.

Styles: And Right scuttles away, into the ropes, trying to put a stop to this stinky assault.

Instead of backing off, The Colorado Troubadour steps onto Right’s throat and face, grabbing the ropes for leverage. The crowd roars.

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Heyman: Down With Disease! Excellent ring usage by the Recycling One.

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Styles: And the Dreaded Deadhead is forced to break the hold.

Twiggerton raises his hand to backhand the ref, who immediately backs off.

Styles: Right, is looking for a tag!

Heyman: Hahaaaa. He’s cut off at the pass.

T. Wiggins yanks his smaller opponent back into no-man’s-land, drops an elbow to the small of his back, yanks him up, and wrenches his neck forward.

Styles: Twig with a full nelson, as he drags Right up to his feet.

The Tit grasps at Twiggith’s hands, but down grading to a half nelson, Twigg grabs the Right’s left and puts it behind his back.

Styles: Seems like a half nelson hammerlock now. Twig using his submission skills to domina-

Heyman: SUPLEX!

The German fans “OOOOHHHHHhhhhhhhhhhhh!” at the technical display, and also out of concern for Right’s nasty head bump. Twig struts by the ropes and casually slaps Left across the face. The Illegal Tit tries to get in the ring, but is restrained by the official.

Styles: And Right is just now showing signs of movement, while Twiggie leaps up to the top of the turnbuckles.

The PETA Punisher crouches in wait as Right groggily gets to his feet. He does, and the silly boob turns around to see Twiggie’s flipping body heading straight for him.

Styles: Dragonrana!

Twiggie covers his opponent.

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Styles: Rights not moving, this has to be it!

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Heyman: Dammit! Get Left out of there! That’s completely illegal! …Breaking up a pin when he’s not even the legal man… He should be ashamed.

Styles: …Indeed…

Left is escorted from the ring, leaving Twiggie to his own devices. Sitting on his opponent’s chest, Twiggie delivers a series of mounted closed left fists. The punches transition into head butts, as the ref Kay’s attention is renewed.

Styles: The Waijal Breakdown… named after a song by the Yonder Mountain String Band… Do you like Bluegrass, Paul?

Heyman: Oh, yeah!

The head butts make their way into dreadlock whips.

Styles: Really? I didn’t figure you’d be a fan.

Heyman: Oh, yeah… back in the day RVD turned me on to all kinds of grass.

Styles: …

Twiggith gets off his fallen foe and addresses the crowd.

Twig: Like I told ya! What I said!

Twig & a small almost inaudible minority of the crowd: Steal Your Face right off your head!!

Styles: Wow… Twigg is exposing the tiny minority of German, deadhead, wrestling fans.

The PETA Punisher bounces off the ropes aiming for his signature DDT. He swings around Right, who suddenly gains ring awareness.

Styles: Black Hole Slam! What a counter!

Rather subdued, Twig lays on his back, while Right collapses as well.

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Styles: The double count out has begun.

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Both men begin to stir.

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Right begins to crawl toward Left’s outstretched arm, and Twig pushes up to his hands and knees.

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Twig get up to his feet, and Right is mere inches from tagging out.

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The PETA Punisher takes a hold of Right’s leg.

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But he’s kicked off, and Left is now the legal man.

Styles: Twig taken to the mat with a hard right from Left.

The Dirty Hippy hops back to his feet, and is met with a flying forearm as Left comes off the ropes. Feeling, the pain, but refusing to give up the upper hand so easily Twig again nips back up to his feet.

Styles: Left with the textbook dropkick, and Twiggie’s not popping up after that one.

The legal Tit runs to the second turnbuckle and rubs his nipples to a mixed reaction. The Demolition fan in the front row rubs his nips just as vigorously, if not more. Left gets down quickly as Twig is up, and quickly dodges a side kick.

Styles: And a dragon whip from Tit Wittins … transitioned, rather awkwardly, into a half crab.

The Colorado Troubadour reaches out for the ropes, while kicking his free leg about. Junior Official Chris Kay moves around and watches Twig’s arms intently, waiting for them to either slap the mat, or grab the rope. Within the constraints of the sloppily applied hold, Twiggie’s flailing foot meets Left’s third leg.

Crowd: Oooooooooooooohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh……

Styles: A low blow to break the hold!

Heyman: That was completely unintentional!

Styles: Ya know… I think you may be right.

Left stagers about, and yet doesn’t go down. He hobbles to his corner, but is cut off by a spinning dreadlock whip. The Southwestern Socialist follows up with a spinning heel kick, finally taking his opponent to the mat. He waits for Lefty to find a vertical base and doubles him over with a kick to the midsection.

Styles: Gut Wrench Powerbomb! Twiggie is able to break out his little seen power arsenal against these smaller opponents.

The PETA Punisher aids Left to his feet and slams him head-first into one of the many neutral turnbuckles. Turning his opponent around, The Twigginator grabs the top rope and bends the man with 1/2 of the worst gimmick in TWOstars over the turnbuckle.

Styles: Chris Kay not liking Twig’s blatant foot choke on the ropes.

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The Colorado Troubadour backs off, allowing Left to slump down to the mat. Twiggie glances at his foot, thinks, and gives a smirk. Pushing the ref aside the Colorado Troubadour scrapes his wart-ridden sole across Leftie’s face. He then backs off and bounces off the far ropes, comes back, and leaps through the air.

Styles: Foot Wash Dropkick!

The tag team cruiser hangs over the apron, through the ropes, and vomits uncontrollably. Fed up with all this abuse, Right curses and begins to climb his turnbuckle.

Heyman: Like Twiggie’s gonna stand there and watch him climb up top?

The Southwestern Socialist runs over, and jumps to the top turnbuckle reaching his right arm around Right’s back. Suddenly Twig hops to the adjacent rope and falls into the ring.

Styles: Weekapaug Groove! Twig landing his patented top rope reverse Russian leg sweep, in style!

Right rolls out of the ring in to an awkward pile on the floor and lies motionless.

Styles: but Left is through puking!

Twiggie gets up directly into a DDT. Left is enraged, if a little nauseous, and refuses to let go, dragging Twiggie up for another DDT.

Styles: Left, keeping the dirty hippy’s head locked tight, brings him up one more time.

Left goes for a suplex, but Twiggie lands behind him in a standing bridged position.

Styles: Inverted neck breaker!

Twig kips up to his feet, and tauntingly nudges Left in the head with his foot, as he tries to get up.

Styles: A wild punch from the Tit, but it’s ducked! Left is scooped up and… Michinoku Driver! Oh, man! Dropped right on his head.

The PETA Punisher drags up his light-headed foe. Sticking Left’s arm between his legs, Twiggie flashes the “hang loose” sign with his free arm, getting him a mixed reaction.

Styles: After those recent head bumps, now’s the perfect time for…

Left goes up to Twig’s shoulder, and…



…



… down onto his head.


Styles: TWIGGALUDO FROSION!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Twiggie rolls over for the easy cover, closes his eyes, and bobs his head to Junior Referee Chris Kay’s rhythm.

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The fans are deafening, if mixed. Twig gets up, and Left doesn’t even have enough in him to roll away. The Southwestern Socialist Steps to the ropes and motions for a mic.

Twig: Was this supposed to be some kind of distraction?

Styles: What’s he talking about?

Heyman: Shut up, and listen.

Twig: Darkstar, you weak-ass shwag-daddy! Did you think I’d forget about your little lapdog of a US champ!?

The crowd seems to enjoy the Darkstar disses.

Twig: Vinnie! … *in a stern, serious tone* Vincent Kennedy McVengeance…

Heyman: Is that his name?

Styles: I don’t know.

Twig: … Tonight I got the job done that you failed to accomplish last week.

The PETA Punisher lets a little chuckle slip out of his cheeky smirk.

Twig: Trips… I’m laying it all on the line right here. I’ve shown the world I’m better than you… I’ve proved I can do what you cannot.

Styles: That’s a misleading statement.

Heyman: Ah! But it’s chock full of truthiness.

Twig: VVV, you’ve got until next week… I’m giving you till next week, to offer me you belt… or, well… Heh. *with a growing degree of seriousness* Or else I’m coming to take it.

The Germans seem to appreciate the idea.

Twig: One week, buddy… So take your ‘roids, pump that iron… Hell, even practice some witchcraft. Cuz you’re gonna need more than what you’ve got now to keep your hands on that belt.

The Colorado Troubadour drops the mic, and laughs at the Tits, as they are just now recovering. Twig leaves the ring and drags his recycling bin back up the ramp, holding up his finger and mouthing the words “one week.” over and over.

Cut to a Shopzone ad. Buy something already, and maybe we’ll scale back on these.

[WAYNE]

The TWOtron shows a clip from last week after TWOstars went off air, where the former Million Dollar Man Chris Eagles is sitting in his dressing room.
He is seated at a table with a pile of cards in front of him.

Eagles: Well it’s about time I opened my birthday cards.

He picks up the first one and the envelope seems to be stained with something. Eagles opens it carefully and looks at the card inside. It has a picture of Dark Alliance on the front and Eagles reads the message inside

Eagles: To Eagles from the worlds greatest tag team EVER from Boyo and Sickness. (Sickness has wrote his name in blood)

Eagles carefully puts the card down in front of him and opens the second. He opens the envelope and a strong smell erupts from the envelope filling the room. He opens a card and a small plastic packet containing a dried green herb falls out. Eagles looks at the package and reads the card.

Eagles: Hi Man happy birthday greetings and here is a little something to make you soar like an eagle. From the Twig-master
Eagles quickly pockets the dried “herb” and places the card down in front of him. He picks up the next envelope and opens it. There appears to nothing inside it.

Eagles: Okay no card? ……… AH! It’s from Iagan he forgot to put it in.

Eagles picks up the next envelope and opens it. It is shaped lie a Care Bear and has a picture of Birthday Bear on the front. Inside it says
Card: Happe bIrDae Eggles frum AaarkHamm en Doctor Handsolo

Eagles smiles as he removes the badge of the front of it. He places the card down and picks up the next envelope. It is gold embossed and has a Harrods mark on the front. Eagles opens it and reads the message inside.

Eagles: To Mr Eagles congratulations on being the first to receive a birthday card from someone who cares. Please find attached two tickets to my chat show. From Chris Care
Also in the card is a signed photograph. Eagles looks at it and places it to one side.

Eagles: Well that will do for lining the litter tray

Eagles then proceeds to pick up an envelope, which reeks of cheep aftershave which is starting to, overpower the smell of the dried “herb”. He opens it and pulls out a cheap card that still has the price on it. It says, “Reduced to 50 pence”. He opens the card and reads the message inside.

Eagles: To Eagles from Paul Heyman (Worlds greatest announcer) have a drink on me

Eagles removes a teabag from the card and goes to pick up another card. A strange noise can be heard coming from it. He open s the envelope and reads the message inside.

Eagles: To Eagles hope your birthday goes with a bang from T.L.A

Suddenly the card explodes sending Eagles flying back in his chair

The camera begins to fade, as Eagles is helped back to his feet by passing road agents, the crowd cheer as former TWOstars champion; Brett Banner comes into shoot, helping the downed Eagles.